I don't feel that great

So I haven't wanted to blog. But that's silly. This is my online journal and I should be able to say whatever I feel like on it without worrying if I sound puny or weak. Yesterday morning I felt so nauseated (Bob says nauseous is incorrect) that tears came out of my eyes. I guess that's crying. I have these nausea pills, but they constipate, and I can't decide what's worse. You see, I like to eat. I like to enjoy my food. I like to look forward to my food. And since the last chemo treatment, I haven't. What's weird is that I have to eat all the time; I have to graze. I can't get too full because it's uncomfortable, but I can't get hungry because I feel nauseated. So I eat all the time. And I've still lost weight. There could be something to that, I think.

I don't really feel like going to the gym and that upsets me. Because going to the gym makes me feel superior to all the people too lazy to go. And now I haven't gone since last Thursday. (This is Wednesday.) Today I woke up at 4:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. I think if I felt OK, I would have just gone to the gym and been finished with it. Since I'm a morning person and hate going when I get home from work. But I was afraid I would need to puke or poop. So not only do I have cancer, and I guess unhealthy as a consequence, I'm weak and have no will power. This is not good for self esteem.

But that's the breaks. I'll get over it. By this weekend, I'll feel great. I'll quit feeling sorry for myself. Other people are far worse off than I am. Some are suffering. Some are dying.

I'm just whining. This is not a proper Cowgirl Attitude.

But my clothes fit.