Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I don't feel that great

So I haven't wanted to blog. But that's silly. This is my online journal and I should be able to say whatever I feel like on it without worrying if I sound puny or weak. Yesterday morning I felt so nauseated (Bob says nauseous is incorrect) that tears came out of my eyes. I guess that's crying. I have these nausea pills, but they constipate, and I can't decide what's worse. You see, I like to eat. I like to enjoy my food. I like to look forward to my food. And since the last chemo treatment, I haven't. What's weird is that I have to eat all the time; I have to graze. I can't get too full because it's uncomfortable, but I can't get hungry because I feel nauseated. So I eat all the time. And I've still lost weight. There could be something to that, I think.

I don't really feel like going to the gym and that upsets me. Because going to the gym makes me feel superior to all the people too lazy to go. And now I haven't gone since last Thursday. (This is Wednesday.) Today I woke up at 4:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. I think if I felt OK, I would have just gone to the gym and been finished with it. Since I'm a morning person and hate going when I get home from work. But I was afraid I would need to puke or poop. So not only do I have cancer, and I guess unhealthy as a consequence, I'm weak and have no will power. This is not good for self esteem.

But that's the breaks. I'll get over it. By this weekend, I'll feel great. I'll quit feeling sorry for myself. Other people are far worse off than I am. Some are suffering. Some are dying.

I'm just whining. This is not a proper Cowgirl Attitude.

But my clothes fit.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Terri,

I am sorry you don't feel great. I have been thinking about you. Thanks for making my get her test. I hope you have an okay week. Love ya, Whitney

mamapanda123 said...

Hi Terri, Thanks for pointing me to your blog and I'm so glad I got here in time to polite you inform you that whining is allowed. Emotions eleven, baby. (that's my new favorite saying) The best cowgirls are the beautiful ones -- and that is YOU! All my best, Terri Speirs

Robert said...

And please tell your many admirers that I didn't nitpick your word choice when you were emotional.

I love you too much.

Anonymous said...

Hey Terri!

Shirley shared with some of us that wanted to know how you were doing, your blog site. I hate you're having to write in under these conditions, but it is wonderful, just like you! Hope you know a bunch of us at your old work place, are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers! You take care and tell Bob we said hi! We'll be reading, so keep on blogging!

Love from your LifeWay friend,

Janet Sullivan