Thursday, September 6, 2007

Tomorrow I voluntarily walk into

the torture chamber. I do not want to do it. I do not want to do it. But I will--calmly. And I will take the poke in my port with a good sense of humor. I'll hold my breath, allow the nurse to poke a three-inch needle into my body, and even smile, and say thank you.

Then I'll visit with the doctor who will tell me I'm doing just great. All my chemo symptoms are normal, to be expected. The drippy nose, the vacillation between constipation and diarrhea, the fact that I can't taste anything I put into my mouth (excepts sweets, which is fun, but not healthy), my extreme tiredness for the first few days after chemo and slight nausea. And I will be cleared to get more poison. To kill what? I don't know. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. These are the consequences I must endure if I hope to live a good, long life. And I do. Relatively long. I've always said 86 will be the age I die. That's fine with me. I have no need to make it to 90, especially if my bones only make it to 83 or 84. I want to live only as long as my body wants to live. No longer.

I do not sound much like a cowgirl. But I am. Because tomorrow I will mount my Honda and ride into battle.

Yee Haw.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Terri, Sounds like the chemo stuff is the pits now. At least you can eat See's candy -- especially those that kinda taste like Heath bars. They're the best. Oh, and the caramels. Oooh, I love those. I like the brickle ones too. ... Oh, wait, this isn't why I posted. I got sidetracked thinking about See's. Anyway, I saw Tim Fields yesterday and he asked about you and said to tell you hello and he hoped you'd be better soon. He also said he'd had his colonoscopy already! I told him you were really pushing for everyone to have one. Janet (Sullivan)'s husband, Tim, gets his on Monday.