Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I'm losing my eyelashes

I just know I am. Everybody says they can't tell. But when I wash my face at night or take a shower, I find stray eyelashes all over my face. I guess I'll take that over losing my hair, which I'm not. Well, maybe I am because I do find a lot of hair in the shower drain in the mornings. So I'm constantly cleaning that out. And I seem to find more strands on the floor after I dry my hair in the mornings. But it's not noticeable because my hair is so thick to begin with. And for that I am thankful.

I'm reading a little book I saw in Sundance catalog called Cowgirl Smarts: How to Rope a Kick-Ass Life, Life Lessons from Cowgirls Who Tamed the West. (How's that for not quite being able to decide on a title.) So far, I haven't really learned anything mind-boggling, life-changing, but it's a cute book and it describes the lives of some real-life (well, they're real-dead now) cowgirls who bucked male hegemony in their day. We do that more these days but probably not enough. It also makes me want to be a real cowgirl and go out West and ride the ponies. Better take some lessons first. The more I read these types of books, the more I think I'm a real cowgirl at heart. For example, she has 17 (why 17? I don't know) Cowgirl Creeds like:
"Dare to be a cowgirl,"
"Buck the rules" (I like that one),
"Stay balanced in the saddle,"
"Ride the trail of adventure,"
"Dress for success--the cowgirl way," (Yes!)
"Give others a leg up,"
"Always get back on the horse,"
"Recharge your cowgirl spirit," and
"Die with your boots on."

I hope I don't die, but if I do, I'll try to do it with my boots on. I felt a little like I was going to die after my last chemo treatment, but I feel pretty good now. So it's over. It's the chemo that gets me. I know in my heart I don't have cancer anymore, it's just this damned "extra insurance" as my doc calls it that's wearing me down. Making me mad. Keeping me from "Riding high in the saddle," (another cowgirl creed).

To make it through my next four treatments (I skip one next week; off to Berlin!), I'll have to pull from the book's Cowgirl Spirit Words and be "determined," "dauntless," and "spirited."

Maybe I should add a Cowgirl Creed:
"Lasso those eyelashes and hang on for dear life."


Catnap40 said...

I thought I was going to die after my last treatment. I skipped a week to visit family for Christmas and, of course, got sick. I reported to the doc two days before my treatment with a fever. He gave me a Zpack and we went ahead as scheduled. I got horrible diarrhea. Possibly because of he antibiotics. But it was over the new year holiday and I was so happy to be done with the treatments that I didn't do anything about it but drink a little extra water. I could barely walk across the room by the time I went to the doc who came within a inch of sending me to the hospital. In the end I spent two days in his office getting fluid pumped into me.
Then it was over.
Return to normal is impossible. Every tick, every twinge, every stray pain might be something other than a normal body getting older.
The port is gone now. I have it in a plastic specimen jar. It hurts and feels good at the same time.

Anonymous said...

Cowgirl Attitude is what we all need and I'm glad you found some attitude and words of encouragement from my Book, Cowgirl Smarts: How to Rope a Kick-Ass Life. Many readers have written me and told of how the book helped them through a difficult time in their life. That's exactly why I wrote it--to help other cowgirls and wannabee cowgirls. If readers of your blog want copies, they can buy the book off, Sundance catalog or from my eBay store "Cowgirl Smarts" where I autograph copies.

Just like you, many women have a cowgirl spirit deep inside that's bucking to get out. Best thing to do is saddle up and follow your dreams. Horses are wonderful companions, confidants and mood enhancers whether you rent a horse for the day or buy one as a forever horse.

I'm so glad that my book has made your fight with cancer a little bit easier.

Best of luck and let 'er buck!

Ellen Reid Smith