Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Why me?

This week marks the fourth anniversary of my first colonoscopy when doctors discovered cancer. So far, I'm one of the lucky ones. Last month, I had a CT scan, and it was all clear. Next month, I have my third colonoscopy to see if cancer or polyps are lurking.

When I went to my oncologist for my CT reading and six-month check up, I asked him why some people with Stage III cancer die and others don't.

His inimitable, deadpan (no pun intended) response: "Biology."

"Yeah, well," I grumbled. "Can you give me more?"

"Some people respond to surgery, some people respond chemotherapy; others don't." So I guess it is just biology.

Will to live is certainly not enough. Lots of people with cancer really, really want to live, but just don't. My will to live was never tested; I just never thought I was going to die. But perhaps everybody with cancer believes that, until they rationally cannot.

I do often wonder why I am one of the lucky ones. (Am I?)

It's not like I'm ever going to do anything great in this world: invent Facebook or electricity or the wheel. I just get up every day, drink my coffee with cream and sugar, and go to work. Then I go home, kiss my husband and my dogs and watch television or go to the gym or read.

So why me? I'm not even that nice. I'm not complaining. Just asking.

6 comments:

Marisa@Getting Back To Basics said...

I just had my third colonoscopy and while the prep was as much fun as always the test itself was a piece of cake...maybe I am just accepting that with my family history having one every five years is just part of life. I am thankful that these test are available. At 54 I have already outlived my mom by 7 years. I am glad your one of the lucky ones.

Val said...

Yep, there's no true reckoning in this cancer bidness...
One of my receptionists seems to be fighting a losing battle against Stage IIIb squamous cell carcinoma of the lungs (yes, she's been a lifelong smoker). That may make 2 I've lost in less than 14 yrs of private practice (the other, older receptionist died @ age 67 of cervical cancer). Meanwhile I carry on w/my own Stage IV medullary thyroid carcinoma, getting older but not that much worse for wear ;-)

Prostate Cancer said...

I guess your blog just reiterates how important it is for people to get checkups such as a colonoscopy. An early detection is truly a big help in raising the treatment's chance of success.

Medical Billing Software said...

This why me question comes back again and again with any health disaster to be confronted by any individual and unfortunately the answer is with the winds which we can not hear...so fight it hard and be happy.

cancer treatment centers said...

Hi,
You are a very inspiring person. Everyone knows that. So dont lose hope. My wishes and prayers for you ever time.
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Junkstylediva said...

I am 6 mths cancer free from stage 4 rectal cancer. I also have blog
where I write about my adventures with rectal cancer, however it started out as a flea market going, crafty girl stuff. If you are so inclined you can check me out @ junkstylediva.blogspot.com; also have fb pg... rectal cancer my ass...back to your thoughts why do some ppl live and others don't good question...we are the lucky ones and good for you to share your story. I want to inspire others too and give them hope. I also volunteer @ infusion center at hospital that saved my life. :)
congrats on your clean buill of health! Inge