Friday, January 14, 2011

Baseball bat diet

I'm back on the all-protein diet. That cannot be good for a person with Colon Cancer genes. But if I die, maybe I'll die skinny. (Well, I probably would die skinny if I die of colon cancer.)

Everybody wants to look good in their coffins, don't they? Yet for me, that's kind of a moot point. Since I plan to be cremated. I do not, not, not want to be buried deep within the cold, dark earth. I would rather rest in the cool confines of an urn. On the mantle. Until somebody takes me and spreads me all over the world.

In my will, I plan to request that my ashes be spread in lots of places. Italy (gosh, I love the food there). France (wine, cheese, bread). Mexico (cheap fun). India (cheap fun and good food)! I don't know. Wherever the person who spreads me wants to travel. I figure that will give them a chance to get on a plane and get going. I guess I'll have to leave them a little dough in my will too. So they can afford the travel.

Wait, what happened? I've gone off topic. I just read my first sentence.

So, in about two weeks, I've lost the four pounds I gained over the holidays. At least that's what my scales say today. Tomorrow morning, after I have a couple of glasses of sugar-filled wine tonight, they might register a different number.

It will be soooo nice when I'm soooo old that I don't care about my weight. But when is that? My mother weighs twice a day. And she just turned 80.

Might as well hit yourself in the head with a baseball bat twice a day.

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